why didn't you poke me back
That's when you crack a 10am beer
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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