My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
