It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
