It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
They are going to name an STD after you.