I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
