just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Vodka?
Forever.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
