I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
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we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
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Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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