Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
