so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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