we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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