i don't like sucking hair
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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