How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
