Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
