the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?