Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot. http://tfl.nu/dkig
  Replies (3) Good night (718) Bad night (754)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  this medicine is soooo good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone. (865): the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now" (865): this medicine is soooo good. http://tfl.nu/gt3j
  Replies (3) Good night (1515) Bad night (445)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with. http://tfl.nu/q53z
  Replies (29) Good night (1432) Bad night (1844)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again. http://tfl.nu/8soy
  Replies (13) Good night (632) Bad night (2875)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel. http://tfl.nu/5pvk
  Replies (25) Good night (573) Bad night (3186)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall. http://tfl.nu/3lmu
  Replies (12) Good night (7021) Bad night (822)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them! http://tfl.nu/ovo7
  Replies (20) Good night (6472) Bad night (1174)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves". http://tfl.nu/iji3
  Replies (9) Good night (2669) Bad night (718)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt? http://tfl.nu/o3a9
  Replies (6) Good night (1237) Bad night (2188)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's? http://tfl.nu/1yab
  Replies (9) Good night (1846) Bad night (1133)
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): I swallowed for you. Answer the phone. http://tfl.nu/f04x
  Replies (12) Good night (4143) Bad night (1413)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked. http://tfl.nu/xyq8
  Replies (7) Good night (1293) Bad night (908)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm off the liquor

  (1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

  You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): I'm off the liquor (1-403): You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick http://tfl.nu/sglp
  Replies (7) Good night (1942) Bad night (585)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?" http://tfl.nu/7ine
  Replies (4) Good night (870) Bad night (278)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire. http://tfl.nu/h7s4
  Replies (2) Good night (548) Bad night (254)

Randomize