I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.