Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.