Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts