So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
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But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
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Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.