My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
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she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
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No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??