Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.