i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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