Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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