I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
