I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
