Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Oh god it's open bar.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
