i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
