He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Randomize
