Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
