please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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