you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Please don't give away my fajitas
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
