the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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