The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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