watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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