I bet he comes in French.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
