Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
either way he was missing a nipple.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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