Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
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