Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
