She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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