I'm lost and stupid without you.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
