ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
