so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
