I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
