How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
