She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
