Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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