no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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