better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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