I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
