I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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