you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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