So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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