I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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