drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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