everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
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I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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