I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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