It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
