i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
