i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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