She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
