Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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