I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Randomize