No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
