Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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