it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
