I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
sarcasm needs its own font
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
