Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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