you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Randomize
