I am midnight drunk by noon
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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