i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
