I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
