She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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