He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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