Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
