He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
