Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
