it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
