I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
