Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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