yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
