I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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