y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
