I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
