Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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